WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
