Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
