in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
