I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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