I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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