Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
