my phone needs a breathalizer
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
