Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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