I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Come share oat with me in your robe
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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