Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
