we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
