Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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