so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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