She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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