i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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