Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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