I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
