I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
