Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
