My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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