I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
