My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
