You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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