well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
