just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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