You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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