omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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