I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
