lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
