I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
home. puking in laundry basket.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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