My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
