I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
