I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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