Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
