not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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