I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
