Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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