my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
