In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
