That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
