Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
