Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
