so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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