I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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