im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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