so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
