I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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