All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
