im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
