btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Everything about him screamed your future.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
