I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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