im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
