Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
